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I think my BFF is blowing me off! We've been friends since like first grade, and now all of a sudden she's started hanging around another group. It's like she doesn't even want to be around me! I still want to be friends with her. What should I do?

—Being Blown Off

Wow, this is one that most of us go through at one time or another. There are a few things to keep in mind though; sometimes people grow apart as their world gets bigger and tastes and interests change. The other important point you have to remember is that you can’t make someone into what you want; just as you shouldn’t be turned into something you're not just to please someone else. Maybe this example will shed some light on your situation:

I had a best friend from first grade, and when we got to ninth grade he found a new group of friends, and I didn't really see him again until senior year. As we reconnected we found that we were still the people we were when we last hung out. And now we had experiences to share with each other that were different, and it made our friendship better.

Bottom line is to not force or threaten anything. If your friend wants to explore, you need to support that. You need not do cheers or even be happy, but you have to let her find out who she is. You are going to start finding your own way in the world, and if you can reconnect later you'll both be better people for it.

—BRIAN

It may be time to "adopt" a new BFF, or better yet a group of BFFs. But before you give up all hope have a heart-to-heart with your friend, and try to find out where she's really coming from. She may just need a break from her first grade pal for a while, but when the tough times come (and you know they will) she will remember that you've always been there through thick and thin, and I would bet it's you she’s going to want to talk to.

—JEN

I'm constantly getting yelled at by my parents. I yell back without thinking and get in even more trouble. How can I not yell when I'm mad?

—Angry Girl

I know it seems that parents can be unreasonable, but you have to keep in mind that they have your best interests and safety in mind. That being said, there does seem to be a lot of yelling going on. Having someone to talk to about things could help. Maybe a teacher, counselor, or a relative can talk with you without making you feel attacked (which is probably why you lash out). The key word is "feel." Figuring out what is making you feel angry can help you figure out how to keep your cool.

—BRIAN

When you feel like you're going to explode, take a deep breath and count to three before you answer. Try to think of how what you are going to say will come across before you say it. I know it's hard, but if everyone is yelling that means no one is doing any listening. If it's a really heated "discussion" try asking your mom or dad if you can talk about it in a few hours after everyone has calmed down and had a chance to think about things. They might just be pretty impressed by your maturity and thoughtfulness!

—JEN

Boys and girls are always being mean to me. My mom says to ignore them and I've tried, but it doesn't work. What else can I do to deal with it?

—Sick of Mom's Advice

Ignoring is the best idea but one of the hardest to do. Everyone wants to be accepted and liked, and sometimes they take the route that's the easiest-picking on someone to feel better about themselves. Just remember that fads and fashions, music and TV shows all illustrate how quickly people's opinions can change. Try to focus on people you like and those who like you. I know I'd rather have one great friend than one hundred that aren't.

—BRIAN

Your mom has a point that most things that are ignored will eventually go away, but if this doesn’t work stand up for yourself. Is there a mean girl making fun of your favorite sweater? Look her straight in the eye and say, "I like this sweater. At least I have my own style, and I'm not afraid to show it!" Is there a bratty boy spreading rumors about you? Stand tall and confidently say, "You know it's too bad you don't have anything better to do with your time than to make up lies about other people." Chances are they will realize that you're a strong person who doesn't care what others say or think and that they couldn't get under your skin no matter how hard they tried.

—JEN

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